This is my kitchen table. It is pretty basic: two legs, four chairs and a bench. It is topped by a hard piece of plastic to protect the soft wood underneath. This table is the center of my home, both literally and figuratively. My dining area is in the physical center of my home and you must pass it to get to any other part of the house. We trip over chairs children have knocked down, step on cushions that have fallen off, and pick up stray pieces of paper off the floor. It is also the family center of our home. We eat here, pray here, play games, read, educate, converse, entertain, craft, bake, and create in this space.
Yet, when you just look at it, it tells you absolutely nothing. How many people live here? What is the season outside? Spring or Fall? Winter or Summer? What is the next meal to be placed on its surface? What food is served? What songs are sung? What is the rhythm of the kitchen table?
Rhythm is the heartbeat that moves us through our lives. It steadies us, it prepares us, it comforts us, it strengthens us, and it creates space. For children, rhythm creates the structure. It softens the near-constant surprise and chaos that reigns over modern life.
For the kitchen table there are many rhythms that are overlapping and occurring at the same time. For the kitchen table, there are daily, weekly, monthly, seasonal, and annual rhythms.
Daily Rhythm
The daily rhythm makes it easy for both mother or father and child to know that little bellies won’t be growling for very long. In my house, we have a simple daily rhythm: Breakfast at 7:30, morning snack at 10:00, lunch at noon, afternoon snack at 3:00, dinner at 5:30. At least that’s the goal! Breakfast may not be eaten until 8:00, and dinner may slide to 6:00 in the evening, but my children rest assured that they will be fed three meals and two snacks a day. And they remind me of it. Once my eldest learned to read the digital clock on our stove, he became the snack watchdog. “Mommy, it’s time for snack!”
The daily rhythm of the table does not only include the eating of food and the enjoyment of each other’s company. There are the little rituals that we do that make it a special time. A gathering song is sung, and everyone comes inside and takes turns washing up in warm water and with sweet-smelling soap before eating. We set the table with bright red placemats and everyone’s specially-selected and Mama-made fabric napkins. We set a seasonally-themed beeswax candle on the table in front of the person whose turn it is to light the candle and lead us in grace. Flowers from our yard and neighboring yards may ornament the table.
Here are some of the verses we use to begin our meals:
It’s breakfast time, it’s breakfast time!
First you wash up and then you can eat!
It’s breakfast time, it’s breakfast time!
First you wash up and then you can eat!
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Hands together, hands apart,
hands together over our hearts
for a golden moment of silence.
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Blessings on our meal
For the earth who makes our food,
For the sun who makes it ripe and good
Thank you earth, Thank you sun
We won’t forget what you have done.
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The silver rain and the golden sun
And the fields where the scarlet poppies run
And all the ripples of the wheat
Are in the food that we do eat
So when we gather to say our grace
We feel we are eating, rain, and sun
And the fields where the scarlet poppies run
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We practice our good manners by taking turns talking, sitting properly in our chairs, using our please and thank you, and speaking with our inside voices. At the end of the meal everyone practices responsibility for themselves by carrying their leftover bits of food to the trash and/or compost and then placing their dirty dishes and flatware in the dishwasher. Someone puts the placemats and napkins away. Finally, one lucky person is chosen to clean the table. Some days the floor is swept as well and the child-sized broom comes out as a small person helps Mama sweep the floor.
Weekly Rhythm
The struggle to figure out what to serve each meal and snack time nearly drove me crazy. There are six people in my family and there were usually at least five differing opinions on what we should eat! After reading Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne and Lisa Ross, I instituted a weekly rhythm to our meals. I did it one meal at a time.
I began with a dinner rhythm. In creating this framework I incorporated elements that were already part of our lives, like Friday Night Pizza Night and leftover night. We had followed these rhythms since my eldest was a small baby. These were the nights that I didn’t need to worry or stress about what was for dinner. I could relax on these nights and enjoy being with my children. I save Saturday night to either try something new, to fulfill a special request or to invite family and friends over so it becomes a potluck.
After I noticed how well the dinner rhythm worked I decided to take on breakfast, the next meal that was causing me headaches. After some trial and error I came up with a schedule. Again I tried to incorporate things that already existed, that we liked, and that also provided my children with a hearty breakfast to carry them through the day. We use a basic basic framework to which we can extend the daily breakfast offerings to create a balanced breakfast.
The children drink raw milk, fruit is always available and offered, and simple carbohydrates like toast with honey butter or homemade strawberry jam are offered on heavy protein mornings. Breakfast is the one meal where my children can have an alternative. I have one child who appears to be allergic to eggs, so on those mornings she gets a choice of either oatmeal or yogurt. Everyone else also has this option. If they are still hungry after they have eaten the prepared breakfast, they can, and frequently do, supplement with those. My next goal for breakfast is to switch the family from instant oatmeal packets to old-fashioned oats.
Lunch is the last meal and is something I’m still working on. Peanut or almond butter and homemade jam, cheese quesadillas, and macaroni and cheese are perennial favorites. Putting them into their own rhythm will take the “What do you want for lunch?” struggle out of our days and help the day run more smoothly. I’m also currently working on a snack schedule. Fresh fruit, nuts, yogurt, toast with homemade jam, and popcorn are the kids’ current favorites. All of these created rhythms are a work in progress for several months before they are finalized.
Even then I need to remember to be open to necessary changes to my established rhythm. For example, we used to have pancakes for our Friday morning breakfast. After one too many arguments between children over maple syrup and the resulting hyper activity caused by this breakfast, my husband and I decided that changing the rhythm was in the best interests of the family.
Monthly Rhythm
The weekly rhythm was working so well I decided to create yet another rhythm. It became bothersome and frustrating to me to start each week staring at the fridge, freezer, pantry, and cookbooks trying to create a menu. Inspired by a story of Ethel Kennedy, I took this idea and extended it one step further to create a month-long, five-week menu. I prepared by spending time poring through two of my favorite websites, the Live Earth Farm recipe archive, and A Year of Slow Cooking.
During this past winter, the first Sunday of each month we had minestrone soup for dinner. On the third Thursday, we had pot roast. On the fifth Saturday, we had peanut noodles. This pattern worked out very well for us. Everyone’s favorites were included into the plan, and if someone asked “When are we going to have ‘X’ again?” I could look at my schedule and tell them exactly when they were going to enjoy it next. I have a feeling these will need to be created seasonally, as tastes, produce, and time commitments change.
Seasonal Rhythm
We have four seasons: Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. Our family is fortunate to receive, 30 weeks of the year, a box of organic fruits, vegetables, and eggs from a local farm. We get to see how the produce changes from week to week beginning in April and continuing through November. Our meals are created around the contents for those 30 weeks of the year.
I am excited to be moving into autumn, harvest time. The boxes from our CSA are bulging with goodies. The children and I are busy some afternoons with canning, cooking, and preserving. The slow cooker is still our friend, but now the oven is turned on more often with the cooler weather. Our food becomes heavier with the new crop of winter squash and potatoes. Soups, stews, and roasts make their appearance, and I think of my grandmother who taught me how to make this simple, hearty food.
Annual Rhythm
The annual rhythms — birthdays, festivals, anniversaries and the like — create memorable highlights to the dinner table. In our family we celebrate not only traditional holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter, but we also enjoy the Fourth of July, Superbowl Sunday, the Memorial Day Weekend Gaming Party, Bad Scary Movie night for Halloween, and a New Years’ Eve Gaming Party.
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My work on establishing a rhythm at our kitchen table was born out of frustration. Mealtime had become something I absolutely loathed. Ill-mannered children, frustrated parents, haphazard-incomplete meals created chaos. Focusing on each aspect of my dinner table’s rhythm gave me a ladder, a step by step process that allowed me to bring some order to that chaos. Although I still struggle with mealtime, it has improved greatly. And I must admit we still have work to be done, but the reflection my process provided has served and continues to serve us greatly.
Below is one of my family’s favorite autumn meals. Enjoy!
Butternut Squash and Beef Stew
Created by a friend of mine, Bob McDiarmid. The video for the recipe is here.
3 tablespoons olive oil
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1 tablespoon minced fresh rosemary
1 tablespoon herbs de provence (Savory, Marjoram, Chervil, Thyme, Dill, Tarragon & Lavender)
2 pounds extra lean stew beef, cut into 2-inch cubes
1/2 teaspoon salt, plus more to taste
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper, plus more to taste
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1.5 to 2 cups Marsala wine
1.5 pounds butternut squash, trimmed and cut into 2-inch cubes
1/4 cup chopped sun-dried tomatoes
4 to 6 cups low-sodium beef broth (I use Pacific’s)
2 tablespoons fresh chopped flat-leaf parsley
4 rib eye beef bones
Crusty bread, for serving
In a large soup pot heat 3 tablespoons of olive oil over medium heat. Add the garlic, rosemary, and thyme and saute for about a minute. Toss the beef cubes in salt and pepper and flour. Turn up the heat to med-high and add the beef to the pot. Cook until the beef is browned and golden around the edges, about 5 minutes. Add the Marsala wine. Using a wooden spoon, gently stir up all the brown bits off the bottom of the pan. Add the butternut squash and sun-dried tomatoes and stir to combine. Add enough beef broth to just cover the beef and squash. Add the rib eye bones. Bring the stew to a boil over high heat, then reduce the heat to low and simmer, covered, for one hour. Season the stew with additional salt and pepper to taste. Sprinkle with chopped parsley. Serve with crusty bread alongside.
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Jen is a Librarian for money, but a Mother to four children aged 8 and under by calling. She recently graduated from LifeWays and is pondering just how addicting knitting is.